Sorry + Venting

I haven't been around lately, because I've been going through yet another long phase of body image issues, mental/emotional and money problems.

I don't think it's getting any better, but it could be that I'm off my meds and just not doing anything. I have too much time on my hands, but not enough motivation or memory to try and do what I should or want to be doing.

So far, nothing I've wanted to do or really needed to do has been accomplished.

It's really difficult, I just wanted to finally be accepted by more than just one or two people... And want to stop the silent harassment, the staring, the fact that I can't even go into a public place without being laughed at by teenagers or avoided because I can't help the way I look. I'm trying so hard, but this depression (or bipolar disorder according to the knew Doc) is kicking me in the ass.

I just want to be beautiful to me and to many others too... I want to be able to look in the mirror and finally say that girl is beautiful inside and out. Instead of just on the inside. (But even that is taking potshots at, no one I've met seems to believe that I'm not a moody loner or loser or something.)

They can't get past the fat, and neither can I. But I can't starve myself because then I'll be doing even more harm.

I've dealt with it for a long time, trying not to cause drama by reacting badly, or reacting at all. Especially when I get shouted at while walking down the street at times or honked at by the same ignorant strangers who don't think that I am a person with feelings...

This is why I refuse to continue being what I am now, not just getting to a smaller dress size. I just hope that with all these changes to me, that I stop being me and being someone similar to these people I dislike the most...

- Cinderella

Lolita Blog Carnival 22: Designing Your Dream Closet

This week's Lolita Blog Carnival is about designing your dream closet... And I am big on dreaming myself. Maybe one day it'd become reality. Though staying positive isn't something I can do for long periods of time.

Since I have to share a closet with my messy sister, there really isn't very much room to do anything, unless I clean out the clutter and get rid of junk that shouldn't be there - including old clothes that we still have for some reason. No reason other than just being a bunch of pack rats.

I only have a couple of painfully plain blouses and one skirt, but I guess we all have to start somewhere, right? (The truth about why I haven't been devoted to building a nice wardrobe - lace monsters or not - is a personal story that I can tell another day)

Obviously, the first thing I would need to do (from what I learned) is to first purchase or buy the following:

• Long-Sleeve Blouse x 2 (white or off-white and black)
• Short-Sleeve Blouse x 2 (white or off-white and black)
• Skirt x 2 (white or off-white and black)
• Petticoat x 2 (white and black)
• Socks/Stockings/Tights x 2 (white and black)
• Dress Shoes x 2 (white and black)
• Nice, Practical Shoes x 2 (white and black)

After that, I can add whatever I wish. These two blouses I need to replace (or I can alter them...)

DRESSES
What I would definitely put in my wardrobe - if I could - is more BTSSB dresses, especially some of their older ones.

Like this one... Hawase Doll/Rose Pattern Lace Doll OP in Pink. Mostly because I saw the dress on the lead character from Kamikaze Girls - Momoko - wear it and I fell in love. The second dress is the Marie Antoinette dress I had seen one of my lolita idols (who doesn't dress in lolita anymore and deleted her blog...) wear it once in blue.

There's also some dresses that I absolutely love... that needs to be in my life right away. Such as the Saint Claire dress by Mary Magdalene. The silhouette just captured me for some reason. I think it looks really elegant.

The colors that I would have in my wardrobe... Red of course. I still love pink and white though. I have too much black. I mean, black is elegant but I really like to have more color than that. And I've been enchanted by being dressed in all white once...

SHOES
Oh lawdy do I need better shoes for this fashion. I mean, I still have some nice shoes from my 'mall goth' days that can be used for the gothic side of the fashion. I was never into chains or spikes, so they never found their way on my feet. I need some nice white or ivory colored shoes too.

I am in LOVE with chunky heels, because I don't feel safe in stillettos. And if there's a platform in the front to level me out so I'm not balancing on my toes... that makes it even better.

Pleaser Women's Dolly-82 Platform Pumps... WANT.

Pleaser Women's Whimsey-115 Strappy Boot... Double Want

Those shoes would be for the gothic/gothic lolita side of my wardrobe.

And for the classic and sweet or general lolita side. I always wanted a pair of rocking horse shoes because they're cute as hell. And the granny boot... come on, they're lovely.

Aaandd... That's about it. Before I write a short novel with hefty picspam.

Hear from the other Lolibloggers who participated this week!
★ American Born Chinese Lolita ★ The Bloody Tea Party ★ Hello Batty ★ Lace a la Mode ★ Loli Dreamland ★ Lolita cor de Rosa ★ Red Tonic ★ Suns In Our Hands ★ Toothless Tigers ★

URL + TITLE CHANGE

Maybe this sounds a little more mature on my part.

URL CHANGE:
heyyoucinderella.blogspot.com   TO   hello-cinderella.blogspot.com

TITLE CHANGE:
Hey you, Cinderella!   TO   Hello, Cinderella

This has been a useless post.

[Insert ugly laughter here]

[OUTFIT] St. Valentine's Day 2013

Crown: handmade by me
Necklaces + bracelet: handmade by me
Ring: unknown

Dress: Elle

Cardigan: Koret Francisca
Shoes: Joe Boxer

Tights: George

I didn't get to go out in lolita because of my laziness. Oh well. I was only out for a few minutes - drove to get food and came back. Best. Day. Ever.

I say it wasn't worth it, I still feel bad. But I'll try to keep it to myself here.

Most of my outfit is second hand from thrifting.

[CRAFTS] Pink x White Floral Crown

Materials Used:
Ready-made faux flower bouquet
Leftover white faux flower bouquets
Floral wire
Heavy floral wire
Hot glue

Tools:
Mini Hot Glue Gun
Floral Cutter / Wire Cutter
Scissors

Time:
Approx. 5-6 hours (I worked on it on and off for 2 days)

I'm not 100% pleased with this, but oh well. I didn't need to use the really big pink flowers, and I still have a ton of flowers left over, maybe for something smaller next time. Or for a headband instead of a whole crown.

All I have to do now is finish my petticoat and skirt. I put those off for way too long anyway.

[CRAFTS] St. Valentine's Day Floral Crown WIP

Well... I could have been better arranged, but I did my best. I have one more patch to cover in the back, and then I'll try to cover up any weird 'bald' spots.

I'll be wearing this for St. Valentine's Day that I'll probably be spending indoors instead of going out. Because I was hoping to wear my new (very pink) dress outside - thus wearing lolita for the very first time. (at least something that actually looks lolita...)

Yeah, I'm nervous. I'm not a people person, but I'll try to cope with it. Because I really wanna go out in pretty clothes instead of my worn out t-shirts and sweatpants.

I don't expect anything major to happen, like me running into a potential soul mate or other nonsense like that. I just wanna go out grab something to eat and read a little at Barnes & Noble maybe.

If not, I'll stay home and roll on the floor.

Yet Another "Long time no see"

I have been neglecting this blog for two years now it looks like. And I know the reasons why: 1) I forgot 2) I've been lazy, and 3) I still don't have any suitable lolita clothes.

But I can still post about other things, like yakking about my crafts - like these flower crowns I made/am making.

Eventually I will get off my ass and start coming up with things to post to this blog that are lolita fashion related - maybe short stories and drawings - until I can stop being dumb and sew my dresses that I bought the fabric for.

Also... um... maybe I should take down the older posts. They are so embarrassing to look at. lol

So... see you later. ♥